No Less of a Man

Last night I was watching a movie called, Boys Don't Cry. For the second time. Last watched it when I was just fresh out of college, quite a few years back. I was fascinated then by the histrionic skills of the leading lady and the message lying beneath the scenes and the script. I was fascinated even now, but this time for a different set of realizations which the later years and experience helped me to realize.

Last night I also witnessed the pain, the suffering, the longing and the tears of a friend of mine. My friend was in the lowest of spirits, completely broken by the sadism of life and love. There comes a time in everyone's life when one reaches out to anything or anyone.. a straw or a hand or a shoulder.. just to hang on tight in order not to be swept away by the merciless torrents of life's' 'fun'. One just needs someone who will only listen 'coz all one needs at that time is to flush out the toxins of the heart. Last night, I saw my friend breaking down; the tears came like a heavy torrent after a long drought. And my friend is a man.

Many a times I've been asked, "Is it wrong for a man to cry? Why do they say that boys don't cry.. can't cry? Isn't a man as much a human being as a woman? Doesn't a man suffer as much as a woman?" They do. And much much more.

Blame it on the mind set or the folklore taboos, but even before a boy has gone through his first five years of his life, he has been told, taught and instructed to behave like a 'man'. And how does a 'man' behave??? Different schools, different syllabus. But the most common notion amongst the litter is probably this - 'Manliness' is synonymous to virility, to strength, to stoicism. They should be seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure or pain. "Seemingly" is a verrrryyyy interesting word. Isn't it?

Life has her own favourite satires. And one of them being, men should be abominable to tears. And as ironical as it may sound, but for men it is a double bladed knife. Hold it in anyway you want, at the end of the day, you're bound to bleed. While women have the 'birth' right to cascade their tears at any given opportunity 'coz sentiments and emotions are supposed to be a 'feminine' thing, men on the other hand, are supposed to be epitome of restrain. He's supposed to be like an Adonis who won't flinch at a Herculean task.

What people forget is, this species called 'men' also has the same blood flowing through their vein and their hearts too are similar to that of the 'privileged' class (atleast in the matters of expression) called 'women'. Like women, they too bleed and their lacrimal or their tear glands secrete tears when hurt. They too suffer the same pain and angst. Maybe, attimes much more. 'Coz they are forbidden to show that they suffer.. 'coz they are forbidden to shed those tears which they painfully blink away.

Hopefully, in the distant future, a time will come when he will show that he too is capable of expressing and the society will accept that a man is equally vulnerable, if not more, despite his magnetic charisma, his reticence and drop dead animal charm.

Hopefully, in the distant future a day will come when a man will finally realise that there is nothing wrong in exploring the 'feminine' or the softer tones and hues of his character. While the women will realise that at certain junctures in life, if he too breaks down or sheds a few tears and needs a shoulder... it won't make him any less of a man.