Paradise Lost - Never to be Regained

Hey, you know what? A few days back I finished The Kite Runner. Yes, yes.. I can see that look of surprise in your eyes. The eyebrows have shifted up a couple of centimeters. The mouth has curled into a slight 'O' and there is a glint of curiosity on your features which is clearly asking me what took me so long to read something which the entire world (or atleast half of it) has read a year back. Right???? Ha ha.. don't get alarmed 'coz I am not turning into a face-reader. Not just as yet.

But to use a long used cliche, 'better late than never'. Yeah, I took a year longer than the rest of them.. so what the hell? I didn't take a life time.. right? And that's all that matters. Is it not? I am not here to praise this book. 'Coz I don't wanna show the Sun a lamp (roughly and hopelessly translated version of an idiom in hindi, but I guess it serves the purpose).

I am not gonna write a review on the book. 'Coz I consider myself too insignificant and puny to even try to attempt the feat. And neither am I even attempting to baptise others who have been unfortunate enough not to taste the delicacies which this book offer. 'Coz again I'm being tempted to use another cliche, 'you can take a horse to the water but cannot ever make it drink'. Then what the hell am I doing? Yeah, you are right in asking all the wrong questions. Well, I just want to cleanse my knotted up emotions. I hope you remember that this place is my purgatory. People visit the loo and I visit you whenever I am in need of a catharsis. And I know you love me for that. I love you too.

What is the story about? I will just give you a sneak preview. The saga is set in the 1970's Afghanisthan. Long before the advent of the Russians and much long before the mayhem of the Mujahidins. It was a picturesque place, smelling of flowers n fruits and kebabs and kites (yes, kites also has their distinct aroma, especially the penultimate one which comes down from the sky on the day of the kite festival). This is the story of two boys, Aamir and Hasan, in an age when everything looks fresh, fun and frivolous. A virgin innocence.

Aamir the son of a wealthy and mighty Afgan. And Hasan his most loyal and devoted servant. For Hasan, the first word he ever uttered was 'Aamir' and probably his last too but we'll never know. For him, Aamir was the world and everything there in it. And probably that's why he became a man faster than Aamir. This is a story of loyalty and betrayal. It is a story of undying devotion and undying guilt. It is as much a story of the rough terrain of Afghanistan as much as it is a story of the cool climate of the US. Of kebabs and burgars. It is a story of innocence lost, of kids becoming adults in a matter of minutes, of insecurity and jealousy and most importantly of salvation and longing.

We all have an Aamir and a Hasan inside us. Just as we have the yin and yang. There have been so many times we have done something which we know in all our senses to be wrong, to be a sin. With the full knowledge that it will hurt the very person whom we love more than ourself and yet we have gone ahead and done just that. And from that moment onwards we have started living together with the demons of our past and 'sleep' became a matter of folklore. Isn't it a too familiar feeling? I guess we all have a sadist and a masochist within ourselves too.

But I believe and I believe this from the core of my deepest element that Life is always fair to us. No matter what the situations and circumstances are, she always gives us atleast 2 choices. To do or not to do is always the question. Like Rahim Khan says near the end of the novel, "There is a way to be good again." Might sound a bit condratictory but how many do get that golden chance to try his hand at redemption?

And even if redemption comes, won't it be a li'l too late to hear that familiar voice calling out, "For you, a thousand times over" ?

Sometimes paradise once lost can never be regained.
Just sometimes.

Remembrance

You asked me once, if I still remembered you.
And you met with silence.
After all these years I thought about that evening when you asked me.. that question.


I remember the sound of your laughter. The touch of your hands.
The twinkle of your eyes. The smell of your aftershave. The dimpled chin.
I remember the way you used to tease me each time you saw that poster of George Michael on the walls of my room. And then later the way you used to say, "Hey, I am sorry."
I remember your fingers.. when they strummed the six-strings.
I also remember your fingers.. the way they held a cigarette.
I remember the way you used to pull my hair in a playful zest and then the way you played with them with childlike innocence.
I remember those drops of diamonds when they rolled down your temples each time you got drenched in the rain.
I remember the way those nerves throbbed on your neck each time you got angry.
Each time the way you clenched your fists in helpless rage against the world.. I remember.
I remember the way your mouth curled up in an yawn each time you watched a tearjerker on the big 70 mm screen.
I remember the starry dazed look in your eyes each time you watched Monroe or Madhubala on that same 70 mm screen and then the way you used to sigh when the lights came up.
I remember the gleam in your eyes each time you passionately voiced your thoughts on a belief that u believed in.
I remember those unsaid words when you put a protective arm around me and helped me cross a busy street.
I remember the way you used to laugh till tears came to your eyes.
And I also remember how much you tried to hide them, at times.

I remember your spirit, your anger, your sarcasms, your angst, your frustrations, your hopes, your dreams, your passions.


But I don't remember YOU.

Frankly My Dear...

Hey dear Blog, I'm back. To purr.. to pout.. to pour.. as well as to keep my promise of keeping you company once in a few days. Today I thought of sharing something interesting with you. There are a few lines or quotations.. well known all of them.. which through the continuous use by posterity have been raised to the level of proverbs or idioms. But I've been always left a li'l baffled as what they actually mean and how correct a few them are ! Confused? Ha ha.. It's a bit difficult to keep your mind clear when you're near my vicinity. Ok, let me take the honour of humouring your confusion.

Let's start with The Alchemist. It's rates amongst the first 3 of my favourite books. How I love the pages of this book, it has memories attached to it. Like siamese twins.

There's one particular line to which I would like to draw your attention to. "And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." What exactly does it mean? Is the Universe such a big conspirator? Don't we all, at certain junctures of our life, want something so badly that the need takes its toll on our lives? Some develops migraine, some develops ulcer and the rest gets dark circle. We either become wine cellars or chimneys. At times, our entire life gets wasted behind that one, solitary wish. We live for its fulfillment. And die in the process too. Why does the Universe sit still then?? Why doesn't it conspire then? Why doesn't it help then? Why doesn't it hear our unspoken words and silent screams? Why can't it see our tears and wrinkles? Huh?

While still on the topic of life and books, let me mention another favourite of mine, The Godfather. Oh, how I love the dialogues. They have attitude etched in them, each one them. Sample this, "There's nothing called business in life. Every piece of shit every man has to eat everyday of his life is personal." Can attitude get any better than this? Yes, it can, when Vito Corleone says, "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." Blog, I'll make an honest confession here. After the 9th time, I've stopped counting the number of times I've read this book. But still now, each time I come across these two lines, I read, stop, think, ponder, sigh and go on to the next line. Is their anything which is completely 'business' in life? Anything at all?? Don't we put a part of ourself (however micro it maybe) to anything and everything we do? And can anyone of us, when made an offer.. the right kind of offer, refuse it? There's an offer for each one of us, somewhere. All it takes is to place that right kind of an offer to the right person in the right time in the right way. And the brain which can find the right opportunity to conceive all this is called the Godfather.

Sweetheart, have you ever thought of Life, as in what it means to you? No? Yeah right, you are one of those lucky few! But there are a whole bunch of unlucky mortals who does and when they do, they come up with varied definitions. I don't have the energy to decipher those and I'm sure neither do you. Hence I will just quote a line which a character called Forrest Gump voiced, "My Mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get.'" Hmmmm.. Now that is what I call diabetic ! Life and a box of chocolates???!!! What about those who have blood sugar ? What about them? For them is life a box of insulin pills? I wonder! As for me, I don't have much of an affinity for the sweet-tooth and people generally go for the fanciest wrapper! Ok, ok.. and I can see the first frown of impatience on your brows, so I'll better shut up my mouth on the topic of LIFE. And anyways, I should be the last person to comment on it.. Yeah, you can laugh out loud and I am not stopping you.

Let's steer this discussion on a much more interesting subject. Women. Ahhhh.. now I can see the satisfied grin on your face and the twinkle in your eyes. Naughty! Naughty! Ok, tell me what do you make of this line, "In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns." ?? Who said this? That's insignificant but just to quench your curiosity, it's mouthed by a fellow called Fabrizio, in The Godfather. Why do I keep coming back to that book? 'Cause I am in love with it, do you mind?? Ok, back to the subject. Can someone please tell this Fabrizio that not just in Sicily, but women everywhere is far more dangerous than potassium-cyanide, leave alone mere shotguns. Shotguns? Huh, that's fairy tale. Ask any man. I can see you are already nodding you head. In agreement or disagreement, I cannot tell.

Now for a funny few. The great Bard, Shakespeare once said,

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

Tell me, what do you think, is he right in saying this? That there's nothing in a person's name? I don't know about others, but the 007 agent would sure disagree. After all he's so possessive about his name. I can still hear the great voice and the pride behind that voice saying, "The name is Bond. James Bond." Imagine calling James Bond, James Butler!

The spooky kid in The 6th Sense whispered, "I see dead people." And I clapped my hands in glee. I just couldn't agree more. When after long hours of pain, the point still doesn't get registered and when after a witty joke has been cracked, the face in the front remains as blank as the walls of the room. I see them too, now and then. Don't you? Ofcourse! Ofcourse!

Rhett Butler is one of my heroes, probably I might even swoon like those dainty damsels in distress if I ever met him in real life. And he might just say in his typical cocky style, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" But hey... I do give a damn sir. I do. Each time I get hurt, each time I get misunderstood by a close one, each time someone upon whom I trusted lets me down and each I let myself down.. I do give a damn!

Blog, I have just quoted a few lines which have secured a permanent place in history. All of them well-known. All of them famous. But there are a few which are not so, yet probably more apt than all of these. Probably no one has heard of them. But the one to whom they are said, remembers till the end of his or her life. 'Cause they are voiced from realization.

Someone, once told me, "Emotions can't be faked."

But then, that's another story.

Forget-me-Knots

Ok.. I opened this page some 2 hours back with the pious intention of writing my 3rd post. In the meantime, I have attended 4 phone calls, had my dinner, chatted with 2 of my friends who were online and even took a loo break. And when I FINALLY came back to this page, whatever I planned to write to you, my dear Blog, just disappeared from my mind. Please don't swear sweetheart. I know, life's a bitch.

Why is it that when we really want to do something.. and I mean reaaalllyy, from the core of our wretched hearts want to do something.. and just as we are about to get started.. something crops up.. and our action takes a differnent course altogether? Why?? Isn't it soooo applicable for life too? We are perfectly cocooned in our own existence.. whatever form they might be.. and suddenly.. zip, zap, zooooom.. everything goes for a toss and most often we are left wondering what was it that hit us when we were at our unprepared best.. !!!

There had been so many times that I felt, it just can't get any worse than this. And Destiny must have had a nice laugh I bet, 'cause the very next instant with smooth kaleidoscopic twirl of fate, my naivety at assuming things were proven wrong. Yes, yet again. And again. And again. But I'm not one to learn my lessons so easily my dear. Am I not making you laugh? C'mon accept it.

Good. Now that I made you laugh, I am sure you won't remain angry with me for too long. You just can't. My complete support is behind that person who said, 'To err is human. To forgive Divine'. So please my dear, get a divine touch and forgive this poor soul. Yeah.. Yeah.. I am irrestible and I know that.

Sorry? What did you say? Modesty? Mod-what-sty? Sorry dear Blog, I am not really familiar with that word.

What? Oh yeah, I am serious. As serious as a joker can be in a circus.